Right Now.

I’ve always been one of those people who thinks super far ahead and wants tomorrow today and my goodness why does the clock run so SLOWLY is it dying? But today, I can honestly say that I am enjoying this moment just as it is – tick tock and slow motion and speedy and all.

Life can be such a never-ending cycle of desire and craving and getting and getting and then wanting again and also, reruns of M*A*S*H*, that it’s so easy to get lost in the repetition and dissatisfaction with it all. I mean, I do not understand M*A*S*H*. Why isn’t it off the air already! WHAT IS THE APPEAL.

And so we live our lives for our goals and we strive and we try and we need that goal, must reach that goal, that goal will make us happy! That goal will get us on the dance floor! That goal’s name is Mr FABULOUS! And then, eventually, after loads of hard work and pimples, we get there and we’re happy for about a day and a half and then we go, what next? And if I’m not happy now, then what is the meaning of life? And if there were a god, wouldn’t pimples not exist?

There have been many, many times in my life where this has happened to me, where I have reached that goal and thought, hey, evolution should have wiped out pimples by now, I mean seriously, and it’s like an expectation falls from the sky and crashes right into the centre of all the daydreams I have ever had. And as I’m cleaning up the debris and wondering what the point of existence is if even the satisfaction from something as delicious as chocolate pudding doesn’t last forever, I USUALLY wind up breaking the vacuum cleaner and crying to my puppy dog about how difficult life is.

But something’s clicked, and it feels a little like my mind has snapped its fingers and then promptly shut the hell up. I guess I finally get it; why people tell you to live in the moment and that the present is a gift and how there is so much power in the Now. The words are less like abstract concepts that mildly irritate me and more like the most important lessons I have ever learned.

There is no happiness to reach, no genie with a bottle, no salvation in the future. Even something as sweet as achievement can leave a bitter aftertaste, because life is an ever-evolving journey, and its one that will slap you in the face and then call you to tell you it is deeply in love with you the very next day. All that we can do is fully embrace where we are right this very moment in our lives, and surrender to it with every ounce of being – whether we’re at Disneyland or standing in line to use the portaloo. Embrace and surrender to all the joy, all the pain, all the madness, all the discomfort of holding our bladder in, all the frustration, and then somehow, miraculously, it all becomes beautiful. I don’t know why this happens but it’s part of the magic to life so I’m not going to question it because I don’t want to find out that really it’s just using some string and a hidden hole.
I have a feeling this is the only true magician, though.

If we constantly expect to achieve happiness in the future, then we’ll soon find ourselves dead and wondering where it all went wrong, kind of like how I imagine ghosts must feel. The destination is The End, so the only real option for contentment that we have is this very journey right before us. This minute, sitting here in my bed, typing on my computer, listening to Matt Corby, puppy dog sleeping under the bed, future husband watching shows on his laptop. This is all I have, and for all I know this is all I could ever or will ever have, and this is perfectly fine with me.

But if I stretch the vision out just a TINY bit, like to the edge of my fingertips, then, well, I have a long but beautiful road ahead of me with my project, I am about to get married in front of all my favourite people in the world, I am working day by day, step by step on my online store, and I am fully engaged and enjoying the process within each and every one of these things. Then if I stretch my ARMS out, my goodness! My project will be launched, and I will be married, and I’ll continue to grow Final Episode. And then if I take, say, a giant step forward, I see more initiatives, and some books, and maybe a family. And now I’ll take a walk, and there are more people to help, and there’s a beautiful house in the country, and trips to Italy, and trips to India, and trips everywhere, and more animals, and more heartache, and more challenges, and more growth, and then maybe some grandchildren, and who knows the friends I will make, and who knows the things that will touch me, but within each and every minute of all these goals and dreams are moments that are perfect just as they are.
And I don’t want to miss them simply because I’m dreaming of the next ones.